My Mental State
Monday, September 23, 2013
Growing out of it?
Your last blog post struck an urge inside of me to type this out and update mine. Savannah will be turning 9 in 2 months so it seems that it has been a very long time since i typed anything out for this. Sumi's sisters husband insanity I found I could relate with to some point. Lately it feels as if I am getting more insane as I get older. Bryan keeps telling me that I will grow out of it when I hit my 40's but I don't want to wait that long to be 'normal'. It is becoming a bigger and bigger nusiance. As I get older I find myself looking at older people and saying 'I don't want to be like that. I don't want to live that long. What a bother.' If it wasn't for the girls, I honestly don't think I would still be around today. I am currently on meds where I am ok to function day to day and I seem normal but I am still so unhappy inside. There is something in this world that i just don't understand. There is such unfairness in the world what is the freaking point to it? That's what I can't seem to find. A point. A point to wake up in the morning. A point to walk through the day with a smile. A point to make friends which the majority of them ill just turn around and spit at your behind your back if they honestly had a chance. I don't think there will ever be a day where i wake up and take a big breathe and say 'ahh its a good day to be alive.' cause honestly, it NEVER is. I could have the best day in the world but at the end of the day when I am going to bed I think 'shit, I have to do this again tomorrow?!' it's like a big joke that I again don't want to be any part of. I wish I could just THINK I was normal. My therapist says that exercise
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