Growing out of it?

Your last blog post struck an urge inside of me to type this out and update mine.  Savannah will be turning 9 in 2 months so it seems that it has been a very long time since i typed anything out for this.  Sumi's sisters husband insanity I found I could relate with to some point.  Lately it feels as if I am getting more insane as I get older.  Bryan keeps telling me that I will grow out of it when I hit my 40's but I don't want to wait that long to be 'normal'.  It is becoming a bigger and bigger nusiance.  As I get older I find myself looking at older people and saying 'I don't want to be like that. I don't want to live that long.  What a bother.'  If it wasn't for the girls, I honestly don't think I would still be around today.  I am currently on meds where I am ok to function day to day and I seem normal but I am still so unhappy inside.  There is something in this world that i just don't understand.  There is such unfairness in the world what is the freaking point to it?  That's what I can't seem to find.  A point.  A point to wake up in the morning. A point to walk through the day with a smile.  A point to make friends which the majority of them ill just turn around and spit at your behind your back if they honestly had a chance.  I don't think there will ever be a day where i wake up and take a big breathe and say 'ahh its a good day to be alive.' cause honestly, it NEVER is.  I could have the best day in the world but at the end of the day when I am going to bed I think 'shit, I have to do this again tomorrow?!' it's like a big joke that I again don't want to be any part of.  I wish I could just THINK I was normal.  My therapist says that exercise